Originally I was going to write about my son biting and how we are struggling with discipline. Do we smack a 10 month old? Do we tell him "bad!" and then punish him? He likes to push the buttons on the PS3, and he likes to eat the kitty food.
And then my husband and I had an intense falling out. So I was going to write about that. About the ins and outs of fighting fair. About how to know when to get counseling. About when to leave and when to stay.
And then we started to heal. And we went to a concert in the park with our son, and the sun started to come out in our lives. And I was going to write about God's faithfulness and how in the midst of pain, we can find joy- finishing up with some quips about how our son danced the whole concert.
But then I was thrown a curveball. And I was considering blogging about it, but then suddenly forgot how to write. I forgot what words meant. I forgot how to form sentences.
When you lose feeling in an extremity, it messes you up for a long time. When I lost feeling in my left leg two months ago, I thought it was a pinched nerve. Sciatica, some said. The doctor said tendinitis and bursitis were to blame. Give it time!
When it didn't go away and I changed doctors six weeks later, he sent me to a neurologist...
When I had the MRI and the neurologist called me back to see me within the next 24 hours...
When she told me I had MS...
For a moment, you heart stops.
My husband's mouth dropped open.
I just stared at her.
You get news like that, and you suddenly don't care that your kid is biting. You don't care that your husband is currently your best friend AND your worst enemy at the same moment. You don't even really care about God's faithfulness, as hard as it is to type that. The room starts to go in and out of focus. The doctor double checks to make sure you're still "with her" and if you have any questions.
"Here! Let me ask you questions about something I have no idea about!"
My husband spoke for me, "We'll be as aggressive as we can with this. How do we start."
The doctor outlined a specific course of action- a mega dose of steroids first, to get rid of the numbness in my leg. A spinal tap to see the progression of the disease. A follow up appointment in a few weeks. We just nodded. She said the services will call us. We just nodded. We left the doctor's office hand in hand- perhaps holding each other up, perhaps holding on to one another so one of us didn't fly away.
I'm sure this blog is now going to evolve into a blog about parenting with MS. Maybe I'll be able to reach a whole new group of people. Time will tell.