When I consider being 26 weeks pregnant, I start to panic. This is a theme for me. If I step back and just allow myself to be pregnant, it's not so bad. When I try to analyze being pregnant...not so much. When the baby kicks and I'm laying in bed watching my belly jump around, it's sweet and amazing and beautiful! When I stop to think, I mean REALLY think, about what's going on in there...anxiety.
And I'm afraid I'm going to miss something. Like I'm going to just worry away this pregnancy, and then when it's over, I'm going to wish I was back there again.
I'm worried that our son isn't going to know or understand God the way I want him to. I'm afraid he's not going to pray, or not going to comprehend prayer. In reality, I'm sure he's going to teach me a thing or two about Him. But in my heart I just pray over and over again that he would be a man of God, and teach US how to pray. I've heard that in raising a boy, there are plenty of opportunities to pray...
The latest and greatest is our shower is coming up!!! Everyone loves a party!!! Again with the anxiety, because I feel genuinely guilty if someone spends their hard earned cash on me. Andy says to get over myself :) I'm excited to see my family and friends in one place! And we registered for so many cool things for him!! Mom and April are going to do a great job planning, and Cathy and Tom are coming down for the occasion. Also, Cathy is throwing another one for us in January, after he's born. So there will be more opportunity to register for things we need or he wants or whatever.
So today, at 26 weeks, I look like this:
A big change from this. Look how much my back is arched now! Just to hold up my body. No wonder it hurts all the time. Oh and my hair is EXPONENTIALLY more fabulous now. Thanks hormones! (And Jodie, who does my hair!)
I'm proud of myself because I for once feel like I'm doing everything I can to make this healthy and happy. The doctors are all proud of my weight gain (8.5 lbs) and I'm working out and being active and happy. Oh, I can still fit in my skinny jeans! I can't zip them, of course, but the thighs still fit. I'm so ridiculous.
Tomorrow is July 4th. July. That means I'm half way through the summer. As much as I want him here with us, I'd also like to slow down. There's going to be a moment I'm going to miss having him all to myself.