Truths about PPD:
1) it sucks
2) you do get through it
False about PPD:
1) you're going to harm your baby
2) you're going to leave your husband
Coming out of PPD is like hiking a huge hill. As you're hiking up and up and up, there's no end in sight. All you see is hill in front of you. And then suddenly you reach the top, and you see the view and you remember why you started hiking in the first place. But you've changed on the way up. Your muscles are tense. You're out of breath. You're starving and thirsty. You look back down at where you came from and you realize that it's over, and you don't have to climb it again.
I've been going to therapy, which will be done next week. I took anti depressants for a bit- but they made me sleepy and they made me foggy, and they made me not want sex. So I stopped them. I haven't told anyone. I'm supposed to be on them until October. Shhh. They are sitting beside my bed on my nightstand, but unless someone shakes the bottle or notices no water is gone from my water bottle, my secret is safe.
I'm going to the gym on a regular basis and I'm back in my pre pregnancy clothing. This does HUGE things for your morale. HUGE things.
Andy and I have been working through things together. We're working on being kind. Just. Kindness. Saying things like "thank you" and "please." He's been getting up with Liam, which is very kind. We've been putting down the phones more and playing with our son more. And slowly the healing is beginning.
Liam has been sleeping through the night again, which means I have more energy to do things like clean and do dishes- doing all of this while holding Liam in the front pack. Maybe that's how I've lost the weight? Because I have a 16 lb weight on my chest at most all times!
But all things considered- it's good to be back. My sweet boy turned 7 months yesterday. He falls asleep every night with his forehead on mine and his hand on my cheek. I'm blessed beyond measure.