Friday, July 29, 2016

Yes but were you TRYING?

We started months wasn't a simple process.  I mean, the actual ACT of making a baby is a rather simple process, but in my case it started a lot sooner than that.

Our son Liam is the joy of our lives.  This boy...I mean, he does weird stuff and he's always dirty and stuff, but he's just so full of love that he's impossible to forget about.  I've said it before, but even people who dislike kids as a general rule REALLY like Liam.  He's that kind of kid.  So when he started asking for a brother or a sister, we stopped and took notice.

Rewind a bit before that as well.  When I went on my Gilenya in March of 2015 I was told beyond a doubt I was not allowed to get pregnant while taking this medication.  There are no MS meds currently on the market that are safe during pregnancy, so I was to play it safe.  Friends of ours had been actively trying to conceive since we had Liam, and this was another reason why we were playing it safe.  We knew the relationship would break down if we had another, so we waited.

But when Liam started asking for a sibling, a small fire was lit in our hearts.  Very small.  We'd been through the ringer with Liam.  The seizures.  The fevers.  The falls and trips to the ER.  So why on earth would we want that again?  Did I mention he didn't sleep through the night until he was 3?  Come on.  That's GOT to count for something.  But he kept asking, and we kept questioning him- Do you realize this means you're going to have to share mommy and daddy?  You're going to have to share your room.  Babies cry!!  And still, he asked.

At the change of the year, the church we've been attending host a prayer room.  I blogged about it if you'd like to read about it.  But I just poured out to God about the possible need for another child.  It was off my radar.  I had too much on my plate emotionally and physically.  I needed peace.  So I just poured out to God and then waited for a response.

In January I can remember the exact place in the road when I stuttered, "Um.  If we want to have a baby, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't.  I'm willing if you are."  And then came the bargaining.  For like, a solid two weeks we played every "what-if" card we had in our possession.  If you care to read back in my life, you'll see that Andy and I went through a rocky moment after my first pregnancy.  The MS diagnosis was like a glass of cold water to our face and we realized we had to pull together.  It was the elephant in the car at that moment.  "I don't want another child if it's going to risk our marriage."  And then we decided it wouldn't.  Just like that.

One thing that is so wonderful about my husband is that he GETS me.  Like on a deep, emotional level, he understands me and allows me to be who I am.  This has happened because in the past three years I've learned to communicate with him and accept him for who HE is.  He's also gone through an amazing transformation after seeing a scenario played out in front of him by other people.  It brought him to a screeching halt and he decided right then he was changing.  NO more short fuse.  No more brash anger.  I decided in and of myself no more tears.  Speak.  Be strong.  Be brave.  Do not be afraid of anything.  This has greatly impacted the two of our lives on a personal level and then trickled into our relationship.  God has been GOOD to us.  We've found a fantastic church we love and we are being fed there emotionally and spiritually.  We are no longer slaves to those people we once were.

Our journey began at the neurologist.  I had to be off my med for 3 months after being on it for one year.  So March.  April.  May.  You can try.
Next came the OB-GYN and then the specialist.  Sure.  You can try.  The proverbial timer was set.  This was happening.

I stopped taking my Gilenya, half expecting to be in a wheel chair the next day.  But remarkably, I had never felt better.  I stopped getting sick.  I had more energy.  It was going to be okay.  Next I went off all my PCOS medication, one by one so as not to jolt my system.  Fine.  Put on a little weight, but it's okay.  It's all for the cause.  Last but not least- my pill.  The Goalie.  The big one.

May 23rd was my last period, June 7th was the positive pregnancy test.