You know as I'm going through things, I try to share them, to see if there's someone out "there" who will say, "Yes, I know what you're going through."
Marriage after baby is ten times harder than marriage before baby.
That should be the end of the post, but it's not.
So many of my friends are going through this transition phase between married, and married with children, and it hasn't been easy for ANY of them. One of my friends has just gotten divorced- two little ones under the age of three. It's a scary time in life for many people.
Next week, Liam will be nine months old. If you can comprehend this, you'll see that this sentence is loaded. Liam. Nine months. We have a son, and there went nine months of our lives. As he ages, we age too. It's a passing of time. A coming of age. We have a son, and we're all getting older.
We have many things going on for us right now- my husband has a new job, for instance. It's a job he's more than suited for, in a field he knows nothing about. The men at this new employment are a good deal "manlier" than his past job. Cigars, Scotch, and Skoal. Andy isn't into any of that, but he DID come back from his last manager meeting smelling like a gentleman's club. Gag.
I'm plagued with the fact that I work 40 hours a week, teach two nights a week, take care of Liam and try to make our house function in a way that doesn't have neighbors calling the authorities on us. I struggle with "me" time, with the added guilt of "I never see my son and want to spend every waking moment with him." Not to mention that I'm really, really insecure at the moment.
Most of our arguments contain the phrase, "What do you want from me?" Or, "I don't know what you want from me." I know for a fact this stems from the fact- we don't know how to do this. What's expected of us? What do we do now? Who are we in relation to our son, to our families, to each other?
I find myself calling my husband the pet names for our son. I find my husband taking offense to everything I say, even when I don't mean it that way. We find ourselves kissing our son first when we walk in the door, and forgetting about each other.
Fuses are short.
Tempers run high.
And at the center of it all is this perfect, little being. Who needs EVERYTHING from us.
So I start to blog, like I did yesterday, and it's this portrait of this lazy husband and this overworked wife who are grasping at straws to keep things together. Who are desperately treading the waters of life to not only find the new normal, but to succeed at it.
Don't kid yourselves, folks. No marriage is infallible. I don't care if you married the "sweetest man on earth." I don't care if you are the most chill woman that ever graced this planet. You're going to struggle. And if you're not struggling, someone isn't being truthful. Because at the bottom of it all, we're all HUMAN, and people will fail us every time.
So as I learn, I will teach. As I understand, I will pass along. In the meantime, I pray and ask God to restore and develop this beautiful thing called marriage, day by day.