Friday, February 8, 2013

Welcome Back

The long and short of it is: I got my period.

It started out with a pregnancy test.  Any normal woman would have taken one.  Especially with our "not 100% effective" birth control.  My boobs hurt.  I was swelling up.  I was teary.  I lost my appetite.  I couldn't stay awake.  On and on.

Do you know what it's like to tell your husband you're taking a pregnancy test?  Especially when you have a three month old infant and you're not "trying"?  I tried to sugar coat it as much as possible- "You know, I'm nervous about this whole period thing.  I'm thinking of taking a test.  I have one.  It's not like I have to go buy one...  But I think I might take it just out of, you know, curiosity."

My hands were shaking more than on the original pregnancy test.  You know, the one I actually WANTED to come out positive.  My brain kept rushing from one thought to the next.  Was I or wasn't I?  Were we ready for child number two?  Was my body healed enough to carry another baby full term?  Where would we put him or her?  Would I need to quit my job?  Could my mom handle two kids under the age of two?  Would that even be fair to her to ask?  Can you breast feed while pregnant?  Would that mean I'd be breastfeeding through two solid years?  How much weight would I gain?  I haven't lost the last weight yet!  What were we thinking?  Why didn't I just get the IUD??


I nonchalantly threw away the test and walked downstairs.  "I took that test.  It was negative.  I figured it would be."


So a few days later Aunt Flow packed her bags and headed in for a visit.  There's something very...surreal...about getting your period after you fully comprehend what your body is doing.  That could have been a baby.  That's the makings of a baby.  I've been getting my period since fourth grade.  (Go ahead and gasp.  The perks of PCOS before they knew what it was...)  So that's 19 years of periods, and yet this was different. 

First off, it smelled different.  There was an "amniotic" smell that I can't describe.  Second of all, there was no pain from cramps (or if there was pain, I didn't recognize it).  Thirdly, it was HEAVY.  Yikers.

But that's it.  It's over.  I'm back on the pill again.  Trying to find the new normal.  Yadda yadda.  More on this later.