Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I'm sorry? 33 weeks already?

I'm fairly sure someone has sneaked my son a set of blocks, and he's just banging them together in my stomach.  There are many times I just sit and watch my belly being beaten around like pizza dough.  But I LOVE it!  And I say, "Kick baby, kick!  Mommy feels you!!!"

33 weeks today.  33 weeks.  What happened to the last 32 weeks of my life?  They've been spent in anticipation of what's to come in another 7 weeks (or less, depending.)  Only two more labor classes.  Only a handful more doctor's appointments.  I'm going every two weeks now, in case I haven't mentioned that before.  And then I will see him every week.

This is me :

I love being pregnant right now.  People are so nice to me, and they get me things and clean my house for me :)  I think that's where my anxiety comes from now- the thought of getting "un-pregnant."  I'm bad at changing seasons- I'm sure there's a disorder or something that someone could diagnose me with.  But as much as I'm excited to meet him...I'm also nervous to not be pregnant any more!  I know I know, I'm a walking contradiction.

But if you had the attention of your family and friends, and I mean the 100% undivided attention of your husband, whenever you asked, combined with your mom coming over on a regular basis and helping you clean and wash and ironing your clothing for you...you would not want this to end either.

Along with the fact that being pregnant puts you on this pedestal.  Every day is new.  Every week you're learning something new about your baby.  You go into the doctors and everyone smiles at you and secretly thinks how cute pregnant women are.  And then...you become the new mom with the screaming infant.  Nobody smiles at that mom.  They wonder why she can't control her child.  They immediately start to judge on how fast you've lost your baby weight.  They ask questions about "Is it a boy or a girl?"  The older ones contemplate how the younger generation just doesn't do it like they used to, while the younger ones consider how my life is now "over" because I now have responsibility.

And maybe I'm only speaking this because that's probably what I would have said a few years back...except that now I want it so badly.  I want my son to be crying "momma!" and have me be the only one who can comfort him.  I want to pack the car with a mountain of accessories, just to go to the grocery store.  I want to have to leave the beach early because of nap time.  I want all that.  And more.

But the long and short of it, is having a baby means your replacement is here.  You've just secured your lineage into the next generation.  Babies only stay young in photos.

So here I am.  Here WE are, at 33 weeks.  In a few weeks, WEEKS, I'll be posting a picture of my husband, my son and myself, wondering where the last 40 weeks went.  Or maybe less.  OR maybe more.  No, certainly not more.