There are certain things in life that leave such an impression on you, that you literally never forget them. Moments that are forever seared in your mind, and if you go there mentally from time to time, everything about that moment just comes RUSHING back to you.
There are certain things in life that your mind just completely erases, and no matter how hard you try, you can't remember any details from that moment in time. Maybe it's a defense mechinism? Maybe it's your brain trying to protect your heart? Whatever it is, try as you may, you just blank.
I found this out about birth. I've got three friends who are all due within one month of each other. We are on full term baby watch for Friend #1, and #2 and #3 will follow in suit. They're asking me questions about labor and delivery and how this felt and how that felt, and I am seriously wracking my brain to try and remember the answers to all their questions.
I told friend #3- you know, you're going to forget too. As soon as your little girl comes into the world and you heal physically and emotionally, your life is going to take off and you're going to forget what all this felt like. You won't forget the big stuff! But the little stuff is going to take a back seat. This is probably why people procreate multiple times- because the brain lets you forget the bad and concentrates on the good.
Last weekend we were in our Sunday morning class at church, and we disclosed the MS diagnosis to those in it. It was a very emotional time for Andy and I. He sat there an held my hand, tears pouring down his cheeks, as I recounted the last month of testing and retesting and IV's and steroids and pain. We had truly suffered together- he emotionally and me physically.
The class, along with our pastor, gathered around us and laid hands on us and prayed for healing and strength. For a pasture in this valley. And for all the pain and for all the tears that were yet to come as we traveled this path together.
Right now, as I'm sitting here, I can see the pictures of my arm with that nasty, bloody IV in it. I can picture myself laying on the metal table with the needle in my back. But it all seems like a distant memory now. So many things have taken place since then, my mind has just blocked it out.
And never, EVER, underestimate the power of prayer. Even if you're not a "church-goer"- who cares. Pray about something and then release it. If you don't feel comfortable praying, ask someone to pray for you and then work into it. I'm not mushy, gushy. I don't do the rosary. I don't understand deep theology. I don't like to talk about religion. I just know that when I'm hurting, it works.
Right now I have more important things to worry about than my MS. Like how Liam hasn't slept since he was 8 months old. Or how we've got a 1st birthday to plan! But I know those memories will fade as well, as weeks turn into months, turn into years. Who knows what's coming next?