He continues to get more precious every day. And every night. My next hurdle is trying to get him to sleep through the night consistantly. More on this later.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
5 Months!
Happy Five Months to Liam!
He continues to get more precious every day. And every night. My next hurdle is trying to get him to sleep through the night consistantly. More on this later.
He continues to get more precious every day. And every night. My next hurdle is trying to get him to sleep through the night consistantly. More on this later.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Zzzzz...
I'm writing this from my phone.
I'm currently rocking Sweet Liam to sleep.
I just want to reiterate how happy I am.
Last night he woke up, but putting him back to sleep was as easy as sticking the paci back in.
Happy does not mean well rested.
Happy does not mean perfect.
Happy means content in the knowledge that you're doing the best you can with what you're given.
I want to write my own guidelines for putting a baby to sleep Liam Style (like Gangam Style, only less sexy). But I'll wait until I'm not typing with only my thumb.
Excuse me if I cut this short. I'm busy watching my son sleep.
I'm currently rocking Sweet Liam to sleep.
I just want to reiterate how happy I am.
Last night he woke up, but putting him back to sleep was as easy as sticking the paci back in.
Happy does not mean well rested.
Happy does not mean perfect.
Happy means content in the knowledge that you're doing the best you can with what you're given.
I want to write my own guidelines for putting a baby to sleep Liam Style (like Gangam Style, only less sexy). But I'll wait until I'm not typing with only my thumb.
Excuse me if I cut this short. I'm busy watching my son sleep.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
With Regrets...
Liam slept through the night last night. No tears. Not even a whimper.
I turned on the heater, and turned off the lights. Turned on the white noise machine and the projector. I came equipped with a four ounce bottle and a pacifier (and of course my phone- to give Andy the play-by-play of what was going on in the nursery). Oh, and of course, Liam.
He was almost asleep when he was finished with the bottle. Almost. I covered him up and rocked him (satisfying my need to cuddle and coddle) and prayed over him and stroked his little baby head. And then he was fast asleep. I felt so...amazing. Just sitting there by the light of the projector, rocking my tiny son. I felt peace.
I tried to put him down once, and he screamed. I lost a little hope. And it was that shrill, "mommy don't leave" cry. So I picked him up, rocked him again. Less than three minutes, he was out again.
I put him down on his SIDE, propped up with a pillow behind him. I left him lay on my hand for MAYBE 15 seconds, and then gently pulled it away.
I stood outside the door and waited. Silence.
I went downstairs and cleaned up my kitchen. Silence.
I watched TV with Andy. Silence.
I worked on knitting Liam this cute little owl hat. Silence.
I enjoyed some time with my husband. Silence.
This morning I woke up and peeked in to find this:
And then at 7:00 this morning, I hear little giggles and laughs coming from the nursery. He had turn himself around in the crib so he was laying short-wise, with his legs through the rungs on the crib and was holding on to the side rungs. He was kicking his feet and laughing and when I came in...well. You can just imagine. I picked him up and praised him for being such a big boy and sleeping again in his own bed. He gave me huge kisses, sweet boy :)
---
I regret ever letting him cry it out. I regret even MORE succumbing to the taunts of another mommy telling me that he was training me and I needed to be firmer with him. You know what? Shoulda punched her when I had the chance. All along I was saying- this isn't right for us. She just kept pushing until I was like, okay, we'll try it.
Let this be a lesson to you, young mommies. Follow your heart and your gut. They are both there for a reason.
We'll try it again tonight!
Liam says have a good day :)
I turned on the heater, and turned off the lights. Turned on the white noise machine and the projector. I came equipped with a four ounce bottle and a pacifier (and of course my phone- to give Andy the play-by-play of what was going on in the nursery). Oh, and of course, Liam.
He was almost asleep when he was finished with the bottle. Almost. I covered him up and rocked him (satisfying my need to cuddle and coddle) and prayed over him and stroked his little baby head. And then he was fast asleep. I felt so...amazing. Just sitting there by the light of the projector, rocking my tiny son. I felt peace.
I tried to put him down once, and he screamed. I lost a little hope. And it was that shrill, "mommy don't leave" cry. So I picked him up, rocked him again. Less than three minutes, he was out again.
I put him down on his SIDE, propped up with a pillow behind him. I left him lay on my hand for MAYBE 15 seconds, and then gently pulled it away.
I stood outside the door and waited. Silence.
I went downstairs and cleaned up my kitchen. Silence.
I watched TV with Andy. Silence.
I worked on knitting Liam this cute little owl hat. Silence.
I enjoyed some time with my husband. Silence.
This morning I woke up and peeked in to find this:
And then at 7:00 this morning, I hear little giggles and laughs coming from the nursery. He had turn himself around in the crib so he was laying short-wise, with his legs through the rungs on the crib and was holding on to the side rungs. He was kicking his feet and laughing and when I came in...well. You can just imagine. I picked him up and praised him for being such a big boy and sleeping again in his own bed. He gave me huge kisses, sweet boy :)
---
I regret ever letting him cry it out. I regret even MORE succumbing to the taunts of another mommy telling me that he was training me and I needed to be firmer with him. You know what? Shoulda punched her when I had the chance. All along I was saying- this isn't right for us. She just kept pushing until I was like, okay, we'll try it.
Let this be a lesson to you, young mommies. Follow your heart and your gut. They are both there for a reason.
We'll try it again tonight!
Liam says have a good day :)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Night Number Two
This post will be short. I don't need to take my readers through every moment of our night last night.
Andy put Liam down- asleep- at 8:30. He woke up. We did the "every ten minutes" thing until 10:30 when I finally rocked him to sleep. He woke up. I rocked him to sleep again. He slept for the rest of the night. Andy needed to wake up at 4:30 this morning. He's already got a sinus infection. It wasn't fair.
However, for the first time in about a month, I slept through the night SOLID. No waking up. Liam slept through the night IN his crib. So maybe this is helping? I'm giving it a week.
I still feel like the meanest mommy in the world.
Andy put Liam down- asleep- at 8:30. He woke up. We did the "every ten minutes" thing until 10:30 when I finally rocked him to sleep. He woke up. I rocked him to sleep again. He slept for the rest of the night. Andy needed to wake up at 4:30 this morning. He's already got a sinus infection. It wasn't fair.
However, for the first time in about a month, I slept through the night SOLID. No waking up. Liam slept through the night IN his crib. So maybe this is helping? I'm giving it a week.
I still feel like the meanest mommy in the world.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Who does that? Me, that's who.
This picture is a big deal.
I don't know why it's grainy...but it's a big deal. Because that's Liam in his crib for the first time.
Can I tell you how hard last night was? I'm still wiping away the tears.
8:00- Liam is asleep in his daddy's arms for about an hour.
9:00- Playing a little, rocking, cuddling, etc. Back to sleep for the Baby Bug.
10:00- Liam is asleep in my arms and has been for an hour. I'm dozing off and we need to go to bed. I put him down in the bassinet.
10:10- awake. Give him his paci and he goes back to sleep.
10:20- awake. Give him his paci. He cries. I let him cry.
10:30- still crying. I pick him up and cuddle him. Falls back asleep. Put him in his bassinet again.
10:40- awake. Crying. Husband getting huffy. I threaten to put him in his crib.
10:50- awake. Crying. Husband fully huffed up. Kicking. Making himself stiff (Liam, not Andy). This mommy has had enough.
The crib has been used for storage purposes and essentially a huge cat bed. So I stripped the mattress and put on a new sheet, laid him gently in, Andy brought the noise machine in and we turned it on. We kissed the baby goodnight, put in his paci, closed the door.
I'm fairly sure I started crying first. Liam was in shock I think, and it took him a while to cry. but once he started, there was no stopping him.
11:30- SCREAMING. I go verbally comfort him. Liam literally jumps when I come in the room. I don't think he was expecting to see me and I scared him. Replace the paci. Leave the room.
11:40- SCREAMING. Daddy's turn. I can tell he's getting angry. It's been two hours of this. Daddy verbally encourages him to go to sleep- more like tells him to stop crying. Replaces the paci. Leaves the room.
11:50- SCREAMING. My turn again. Andy's ready to quit. I'm just wanting it all to end. I'm wondering why we ever tried this. Andy accuses me of doing it wrong. I accuse Andy of not being supportive. Andy inquires to what exactly he should do to support me. I storm out the room.
12:00- SCREAMING. Mommy's done. I go in and rescue him. Swoop him up in my arms. He stops crying instantly. Puts his head down. Falls asleep. I'm sobbing. WHY did I do this to him? All he wanted was me. He is too sensitive for this. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I put him down in his crib and he starts to sniff. I let him hold my hand, which he promptly pulls over his face (which he always does) and slowly the hands drift away and I take one step, two steps, three steps...door way...hall way...bed...
12:15- Crying. But it's me, not the baby. Liam is fast asleep. Andy goes to the bathroom and looks in on him. He's still asleep. I am overwhelmed with these immense feelings of guilt and frustration at myself. Why did I do something I was so adamantly against? Why did I let others talk me into this? The feelings of misery put me to sleep. Andy was still huffing over all the sleep he lost. Thanks for the support. Glad I was the bad guy.
I only woke up once during the night. I repressed any thoughts of going to check on Liam. He was fine. I was fine.
7:00- Liam is awake and in his crib laughing and cooing and being very happy. I pick him up and squeeze him and he gives me big slobbery kisses. I tell him he's a good boy and that I was proud of him for sleeping in his big boy bed. The night is over. It's time to start the day.
I cry the entire way to work. I call my mom and continue to cry. I sit down to my desk and cry some more. In my heart I really feel like I did the wrong thing. People tell me it will get easier. What will? Tuning out your child's screams? I'm not looking forward to tonight. I wonder if Liam isn't either. Is a good night's rest really worth this anguish today?
More later.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Who DOES that?
Sleep training.
Have you ever heard of this?
Supposedly there are many methods, as with anything in parenting, but it's essentially how to put and keep your child asleep. When you read about all the methods, they start out by saying (under the heading of a picture of a beautiful mother with a sleeping baby) "Make sure that you are fully rested before trying sleeping training, as with any new parenting endeavors."
Bull. Cocky.
The reason why you're sleep training in the first place is because your child isn't sleeping. It's because you're at your wits end. It's because you're more tired than you were in college during finals week. It's NOT because you have just had such a good go of things with night time rituals so far that you want to spice things up a bit.
Many people swear by the "cry it out" method, or the C-I-O approach. This essentially means every few minutes you go back in and verbally reassure your child that you are here and everything is fine. So you may start with a three minute interval- let them cry- then go in a reassure them. Then five minute intervals. Then 7 minute intervals...you get where I'm going with this?
Many people, including myself, think this is cruel and unusual punishment for both parent and child. And when you want your baby to sleep, and you want yourself to sleep, you use the, "Do- whatever- the- heck- it- takes- to- get- this- kid- to- stop- crying- so- everyone- can- rest- and- your- husband- won't- throw- pillows" method. This is the method I use. I frankly think the C-I-O method is cruel and unusual. Your baby is crying because something is wrong- because there is a need of theirs that you're not meeting.
I spend so little time with Liam. I give him to my mom first thing in the morning- she bathes him, clothes him, feeds him, naps him. I pick him up at either 5 or 6 (depending if it's gym day or not) and then I teach violin, do my chores, and then he goes to bed. Well. He's supposed to. So for those who are keeping score, that's 4-5 waking hours a day, out of a 24 hour period, that I've got my son. And even then he doesn't have my full attention- mommy after all is busy. Weekends are no longer sacred time anymore either, now that I've started painting again. But when you're constantly chasing after that almighty dollar, so your husband will stop complaining about having no money...there's not much of a choice.
So pardon me when some well meaning other mommy tells me that my child is now training ME, and I need to just let him cry until he pukes, pardon me if I feel like punching other mommy in the face. No. I'm not going to let him cry until he pukes. As it is, when I have tried the C-I-O method (Which I have) I've come in to find him puffy and gagging and snotty and when I pick him up, he clings to me like a life preserver in a big open sea. I made it to 45 minutes the other night. I went downstairs in the kitchen so I couldn't hear him. I gave up at the point where he stopped crying because he also stopped breathing.
It's not for me. Maybe other mommys can do it, but this mommy can't. This past weekend he didn't want anything. He didn't want me, he didn't want his toys, TV (yes I tried TV, so sue me), bottle, nothing. So I bathed him (you guessed it! Didn't want that either!) I got in the tub with him to wash him up. I dressed him to prepare him for church. He was fed, clean, dressed. And just as I was curling my hair and doing my makeup, I turn around to see this:
Have you ever heard of this?
Supposedly there are many methods, as with anything in parenting, but it's essentially how to put and keep your child asleep. When you read about all the methods, they start out by saying (under the heading of a picture of a beautiful mother with a sleeping baby) "Make sure that you are fully rested before trying sleeping training, as with any new parenting endeavors."
Bull. Cocky.
The reason why you're sleep training in the first place is because your child isn't sleeping. It's because you're at your wits end. It's because you're more tired than you were in college during finals week. It's NOT because you have just had such a good go of things with night time rituals so far that you want to spice things up a bit.
Many people swear by the "cry it out" method, or the C-I-O approach. This essentially means every few minutes you go back in and verbally reassure your child that you are here and everything is fine. So you may start with a three minute interval- let them cry- then go in a reassure them. Then five minute intervals. Then 7 minute intervals...you get where I'm going with this?
Many people, including myself, think this is cruel and unusual punishment for both parent and child. And when you want your baby to sleep, and you want yourself to sleep, you use the, "Do- whatever- the- heck- it- takes- to- get- this- kid- to- stop- crying- so- everyone- can- rest- and- your- husband- won't- throw- pillows" method. This is the method I use. I frankly think the C-I-O method is cruel and unusual. Your baby is crying because something is wrong- because there is a need of theirs that you're not meeting.
I spend so little time with Liam. I give him to my mom first thing in the morning- she bathes him, clothes him, feeds him, naps him. I pick him up at either 5 or 6 (depending if it's gym day or not) and then I teach violin, do my chores, and then he goes to bed. Well. He's supposed to. So for those who are keeping score, that's 4-5 waking hours a day, out of a 24 hour period, that I've got my son. And even then he doesn't have my full attention- mommy after all is busy. Weekends are no longer sacred time anymore either, now that I've started painting again. But when you're constantly chasing after that almighty dollar, so your husband will stop complaining about having no money...there's not much of a choice.
So pardon me when some well meaning other mommy tells me that my child is now training ME, and I need to just let him cry until he pukes, pardon me if I feel like punching other mommy in the face. No. I'm not going to let him cry until he pukes. As it is, when I have tried the C-I-O method (Which I have) I've come in to find him puffy and gagging and snotty and when I pick him up, he clings to me like a life preserver in a big open sea. I made it to 45 minutes the other night. I went downstairs in the kitchen so I couldn't hear him. I gave up at the point where he stopped crying because he also stopped breathing.
It's not for me. Maybe other mommys can do it, but this mommy can't. This past weekend he didn't want anything. He didn't want me, he didn't want his toys, TV (yes I tried TV, so sue me), bottle, nothing. So I bathed him (you guessed it! Didn't want that either!) I got in the tub with him to wash him up. I dressed him to prepare him for church. He was fed, clean, dressed. And just as I was curling my hair and doing my makeup, I turn around to see this:
I gently tucked him in with his daddy and went about my business. A cappuccino cleared the fog, and a little later in the day we took a nap together, and he was fine.
At this time, I'm going to go get my Baby Bug, and I'm going to go home. I've cleared off my calendar for the evening and we're going to relax. And I'm going to rock my son to sleep tonight. Hold your gasps.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Back in the habit...
I promised myself that after I packed up my maternity clothing, save a few nursing shirts, that I would NOT under any circumstances go back and get any of them out to wear until I was pregnant again.
No matter HOW comfy those maternity undies were- they're staying clean and in the box. No matter how great the fabric was on those navy capris Andy bought me in my last month, even though I only got to wear them for mere WEEKS before packing them up- they're staying clean and in the box. Those skinny jeans I bought that fit so nicely in my brown leather slouch boots- they're staying clean and in the box EVEN THOUGH I've never found a pair that fit me better.
Now, it took me two totes to stash all my maternity clothing. I bought one tote with good intentions. SURELY I didn't accumulate THAT much clothing in 39 weeks time! But yes-yes I did. What can I say? I'm a savvy shopper. I accumulated a great deal from consignment shops and of course Kohls. I had two of every bottom- capris, shorts, skirts, dress pants. And lots and lots of tops, because who am I kidding? I was a slob when I was pregnant. And I only started REALLY wearing maternity tops at about 6 months.
Which brings me to my current revelation: if you wore an article of clothing while you were pregnant, and it doesn't say "maternity" on the tag, it's still fair game postpartum.
Like me today:
No matter HOW comfy those maternity undies were- they're staying clean and in the box. No matter how great the fabric was on those navy capris Andy bought me in my last month, even though I only got to wear them for mere WEEKS before packing them up- they're staying clean and in the box. Those skinny jeans I bought that fit so nicely in my brown leather slouch boots- they're staying clean and in the box EVEN THOUGH I've never found a pair that fit me better.
Now, it took me two totes to stash all my maternity clothing. I bought one tote with good intentions. SURELY I didn't accumulate THAT much clothing in 39 weeks time! But yes-yes I did. What can I say? I'm a savvy shopper. I accumulated a great deal from consignment shops and of course Kohls. I had two of every bottom- capris, shorts, skirts, dress pants. And lots and lots of tops, because who am I kidding? I was a slob when I was pregnant. And I only started REALLY wearing maternity tops at about 6 months.
Which brings me to my current revelation: if you wore an article of clothing while you were pregnant, and it doesn't say "maternity" on the tag, it's still fair game postpartum.
Like me today:
Hmmm...the bottom picture was just this morning...and it still does make me look a little pregnant...but we all know better. The bottom line is that it's comfy. And I like the colors. And. That's it.
It's not like I got rid of shoes I bought and wore when I was pregnant. Oh contraire. Those ultra comfy slip flops and grungy old crocs will be donning my feet for summers to come- okay maybe one more summer at least. Goodness knows they're all I wore and they're looking a little shabby.
So just so we're clear- if you bought it to wear while pregnant, but it doesn't have a maternity tag in it, you're free to wear it while you're not pregnant. Says me.
Okay, back to what you were doing.
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