With Regrets...

Liam slept through the night last night.  No tears.  Not even a whimper.

I turned on the heater, and turned off the lights.  Turned on the white noise machine and the projector.  I came equipped with a four ounce bottle and a pacifier (and of course my phone- to give Andy the play-by-play of what was going on in the nursery).  Oh, and of course, Liam.

He was almost asleep when he was finished with the bottle.  Almost.  I covered him up and rocked him (satisfying my need to cuddle and coddle) and prayed over him and stroked his little baby head.  And then he was fast asleep.  I felt so...amazing.  Just sitting there by the light of the projector, rocking my tiny son.  I felt peace.

I tried to put him down once, and he screamed.  I lost a little hope.  And it was that shrill, "mommy don't leave" cry.  So I picked him up, rocked him again.  Less than three minutes, he was out again.

I put him down on his SIDE, propped up with a pillow behind him.  I left him lay on my hand for MAYBE 15 seconds, and then gently pulled it away. 

I stood outside the door and waited.  Silence.

I went downstairs and cleaned up my kitchen.  Silence.

I watched TV with Andy.  Silence.

I worked on knitting Liam this cute little owl hat.  Silence.

I enjoyed some time with my husband.  Silence.

This morning I woke up and peeked in to find this:

And then at 7:00 this morning, I hear little giggles and laughs coming from the nursery.  He had turn himself around in the crib so he was laying short-wise, with his legs through the rungs on the crib and was holding on to the side rungs.  He was kicking his feet and laughing and when I came in...well.  You can just imagine.  I picked him up and praised him for being such a big boy and sleeping again in his own bed.  He gave me huge kisses, sweet boy :)

---

I regret ever letting him cry it out.  I regret even MORE succumbing to the taunts of another mommy telling me that he was training me and I needed to be firmer with him.  You know what?  Shoulda punched her when I had the chance.  All along I was saying- this isn't right for us.  She just kept pushing until I was like, okay, we'll try it.

Let this be a lesson to you, young mommies.  Follow your heart and your gut.  They are both there for a reason.

We'll try it again tonight!

Liam says have a good day :)