NYC was amazing and beautiful, and Alex and Alyssa were just gems the entire time. But what was even better than that was how Andy and I connected while we were there. He was "on" the whole time. When my mind blanked, his mind worked. When I lost my head, he was there to um...pick it up again? No idea. But it was wonderful. It gave me faith that we CAN do this.
However. On the way home we were both DEAD!!! Because we were literally on our toes ALL DAY LONG! On our way through security to get to the Statue of Liberty, Alyssa had to go through security first. She looked SO TINY passing through the gate! And when she was on the other side, she might as well have been 100 yards out of my grasp. I found this sudden panic coming over me, like she was no longer holding my hand. She could be taken at any time! I walked up to the sensor and didn't give them time to wave me through. I needed her hand again. Are these mothering instincts? Probably.
Andy bought me a body pillow and I'm in love with it. We also got the first installments in my new maternity wardrobe. Having a husband that works at Kohls DOES have its advantages. Jeans, a dress, a few shirts...which I come home and promptly tried them on with a pillow in my stomach area. I'm such a dork ;)
Last night I had a mild panic attack. What if I'm not really pregnant? My doctor doesn't run blood tests unless there is an indication something is the matter. What if the tests were wrong? What if they were defective? Or it was a fluke? So with Andy's gentle nudging, I bought another test and took it immediately. Of course it was positive. But it gave me a peace, so it was worth it. I think my heart may have been pounding harder with that test than with the original test!
I'm praying that SB will be healthy and strong. No birth defects. No health problems. Please, just everything be normal. I pray that my body knows how to do everything correctly and I don't lose this little sweet pea in side of me. I love it already and it's not even here yet! I stopped taking my stomach medication because it's considered "Level C" and I didn't want to take any chances. So. I'll manage :)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
In Dreams...
Okay, so. Everything they say about weird pregnancy dreams? TOTALLY true! This week alone I lost Alyssa, was flipped in a pool, hung off of a moving Ferris Wheel, ran track with one of my youth from church, and last night someone drove their truck through my office wall. Oh, and Andy says I've been talking in my sleep.
Last night I went to the gym for the first time, being especially careful to keep the heart rate down. I'm so used to pushing and grunting and sweating...it was so easy last night! And I'm down 3 lbs. Yesterday I was standing in the shower realizing that in a few weeks I will no longer be able to see my feet.
This is what our baby looks like:
Isn't that crazy? It's the size of a sweet pea. I couldn't help but wonder, how might one take a picture like this?
We're still focusing on who and when to tell. I found some cute things to give as gifts to mark the occasion- you know, to the first time g-parents and my sis and his bro. My mom wants to be called "Nana." Cute, huh??
Tomorrow we're going to NYC, so I'm hoping I can find bathrooms throughout the city to facilitate my need to pee every time I stand up. :) Life is good :)
Last night I went to the gym for the first time, being especially careful to keep the heart rate down. I'm so used to pushing and grunting and sweating...it was so easy last night! And I'm down 3 lbs. Yesterday I was standing in the shower realizing that in a few weeks I will no longer be able to see my feet.
This is what our baby looks like:
Isn't that crazy? It's the size of a sweet pea. I couldn't help but wonder, how might one take a picture like this?
We're still focusing on who and when to tell. I found some cute things to give as gifts to mark the occasion- you know, to the first time g-parents and my sis and his bro. My mom wants to be called "Nana." Cute, huh??
Tomorrow we're going to NYC, so I'm hoping I can find bathrooms throughout the city to facilitate my need to pee every time I stand up. :) Life is good :)
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I think I failed my first pregnant day...
Last night, as I'm sitting at the Dunn's house, eating pizza at 9:30 PM, I announced to Andy, "Well, I'm pretty sure I failed my first known day of pregnancy."
I'm most sick around supper time, so I end up eating late. Although, yesterday I HAD TO HAVE Velveeta cheese. In the jar. On white Sunbeam bread. And because my Handsome Husband is the best, (and also because he KNOWS what's up) he stopped and bought me some. And then called me to make sure the "Cheez-Whiz" in the jar was an acceptable sub for the "Velveeta" variety. Oh, he's GOOD.
So that was supper. Then popcorn. Then pizza. Oh, and I had a twizzlers. Food groups? Who needs 'em?
Our general feeling is that this all happened so much quicker than we were expecting. Like, there was supposed to be more waiting and pondering. More tearful mornings holding negative pregnancy tests. Trips to specialists. Our biggest topic of conversation is who to tell and when to tell them. Probably there will be a trip to RI in our near future.
I wore my skinny jeans today- the 14s I FINALLY was able to fit into after a year of dragging myself to the gym. I know for a fact I'm concerned about gaining back all that weight. But the reason I was losing was to get to this point. So it's all good, right? Right.
And in parting: The Proof
I'm most sick around supper time, so I end up eating late. Although, yesterday I HAD TO HAVE Velveeta cheese. In the jar. On white Sunbeam bread. And because my Handsome Husband is the best, (and also because he KNOWS what's up) he stopped and bought me some. And then called me to make sure the "Cheez-Whiz" in the jar was an acceptable sub for the "Velveeta" variety. Oh, he's GOOD.
So that was supper. Then popcorn. Then pizza. Oh, and I had a twizzlers. Food groups? Who needs 'em?
Our general feeling is that this all happened so much quicker than we were expecting. Like, there was supposed to be more waiting and pondering. More tearful mornings holding negative pregnancy tests. Trips to specialists. Our biggest topic of conversation is who to tell and when to tell them. Probably there will be a trip to RI in our near future.
I wore my skinny jeans today- the 14s I FINALLY was able to fit into after a year of dragging myself to the gym. I know for a fact I'm concerned about gaining back all that weight. But the reason I was losing was to get to this point. So it's all good, right? Right.
And in parting: The Proof
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
And then...just like that...
I gave up and called the doctor yesterday. I was too sore in the breastical area, and I was having discharge like crazy. (That's right folks, I promised you bodily fluids and here they are!) And then I started Googling- which is a huge no-no for me. I'm a closet hypochondriac. I got it from my grandmother.
So I called the doctor. And the nurse said, "You know...you should test one more time."
And I said, "But I've already tested twice and the last time was only on the 2nd."
And she said, "Test one more time."
So I finished out my day and ran home and told Andy who of course said, "TEST RIGHT NOW!"
No. Not testing like a crazy person. Those things cost money.
So we went shopping and when we came home he said, "TEST RIGHT NOW!"
But I couldn't, because I was too busy being extremely sick. (#2, for those who are keeping score.)
So this morning I tested. And as an aside- I think the difficulty of getting into the actual pack of birth control tests is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to how badly you have to pee. And I was so nervous, of course I dropped the box. And it went UNDER the vanity. And then I couldn't find the scissors. And then my hands were shaking so getting the actual packet open was ALSO difficult. But eventually I was able to get my act together.
And then it was positive.
And then I screamed, "THIS IS IT! OH ANDY THIS IS IT!" And a very groggy, (albeit still Handsome) husband walked in the door and we just STARED at the test. It's a plus sign all right. And the longer it sat, the darker it got. And then we hugged forever and I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
That's my story. I called in late to work and drove (only a small amount over the speed limit) to my mother's house where she must have heard the car door and ran down the stairs to where I was holding both the tests I had taken earlier. (Two is twice as nice as one, right?) And as you can imagine there was much crying and laughing and squealing.
My. No. OUR first appointment is March 9th. I will be using Woodward and Associates and we'll be giving birth at Harrisburg Hospital. God is good. I know this is right, because we beat some major odds to get to this point in our lives, and on so many levels I should not be at this place that I am right now.
Someday Baby is the size of a sweet pea, but it's going to be twice as big next week. We won't tell anyone until we hear the heartbeat and get some pics of the little SB, and then the real fun will start. So if you're reading this, and we've actually met, please be discrete. You only get one shot at your first pregnancy :)
So I called the doctor. And the nurse said, "You know...you should test one more time."
And I said, "But I've already tested twice and the last time was only on the 2nd."
And she said, "Test one more time."
So I finished out my day and ran home and told Andy who of course said, "TEST RIGHT NOW!"
No. Not testing like a crazy person. Those things cost money.
So we went shopping and when we came home he said, "TEST RIGHT NOW!"
But I couldn't, because I was too busy being extremely sick. (#2, for those who are keeping score.)
So this morning I tested. And as an aside- I think the difficulty of getting into the actual pack of birth control tests is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to how badly you have to pee. And I was so nervous, of course I dropped the box. And it went UNDER the vanity. And then I couldn't find the scissors. And then my hands were shaking so getting the actual packet open was ALSO difficult. But eventually I was able to get my act together.
And then it was positive.
And then I screamed, "THIS IS IT! OH ANDY THIS IS IT!" And a very groggy, (albeit still Handsome) husband walked in the door and we just STARED at the test. It's a plus sign all right. And the longer it sat, the darker it got. And then we hugged forever and I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
That's my story. I called in late to work and drove (only a small amount over the speed limit) to my mother's house where she must have heard the car door and ran down the stairs to where I was holding both the tests I had taken earlier. (Two is twice as nice as one, right?) And as you can imagine there was much crying and laughing and squealing.
My. No. OUR first appointment is March 9th. I will be using Woodward and Associates and we'll be giving birth at Harrisburg Hospital. God is good. I know this is right, because we beat some major odds to get to this point in our lives, and on so many levels I should not be at this place that I am right now.
Someday Baby is the size of a sweet pea, but it's going to be twice as big next week. We won't tell anyone until we hear the heartbeat and get some pics of the little SB, and then the real fun will start. So if you're reading this, and we've actually met, please be discrete. You only get one shot at your first pregnancy :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
No news is just that...no news.
February 7th. No period. No positive pregnancy test. So it seems the PCOS is the culprit.
I have the symptoms all right, sore breasts (which I've never experienced), acne like crazy, cramping, extreme anger and hatred for anything and everything, and exhaustion.
Handsome Husband has been an absolute rock thus far, which surprises me since he was SO nervous jumping into this process. He's constantly asking me how I'm feeling. If I "got a friend" yet. When I told him no, he said, "Well, it's going to be hard to time things then. Isn't it?" Hey, he IS listening! He was actually counting the amount of times I peed, because his friend told him when she was pregnant she started peeing nonstop. So this is all very sweet to me- and quite frankly a side of my husband I haven't seen before.
Every time I get anxious to be pregnant, or frustrated because it's another day without a period, I just think that maybe these will be the last few weeks/months where it's just me and Andy. Just the two of us in a quiet house. Some day we'll be wishing for a quiet night, or a Saturday morning when we can just sleep in...hopefully.
But then that clock in my brain starts ticking. The facts that surround getting pregnant after 30 begin scrolling through my mind. The doubt that this may not ever happen starts to cloud my thoughts. Thankfully it quickly goes away when I remember God is in control, and I am not. And everything has gotten better since we started trying! Our marriage, my body, our physical relationship with each other, even money doesn't seem as tight. And our mood is up! We're working towards one goal- a Someday Baby. We're in it together- and it's fabulous.
So I bought tests for the next month. Because there's always hope :))
I have the symptoms all right, sore breasts (which I've never experienced), acne like crazy, cramping, extreme anger and hatred for anything and everything, and exhaustion.
Handsome Husband has been an absolute rock thus far, which surprises me since he was SO nervous jumping into this process. He's constantly asking me how I'm feeling. If I "got a friend" yet. When I told him no, he said, "Well, it's going to be hard to time things then. Isn't it?" Hey, he IS listening! He was actually counting the amount of times I peed, because his friend told him when she was pregnant she started peeing nonstop. So this is all very sweet to me- and quite frankly a side of my husband I haven't seen before.
Every time I get anxious to be pregnant, or frustrated because it's another day without a period, I just think that maybe these will be the last few weeks/months where it's just me and Andy. Just the two of us in a quiet house. Some day we'll be wishing for a quiet night, or a Saturday morning when we can just sleep in...hopefully.
But then that clock in my brain starts ticking. The facts that surround getting pregnant after 30 begin scrolling through my mind. The doubt that this may not ever happen starts to cloud my thoughts. Thankfully it quickly goes away when I remember God is in control, and I am not. And everything has gotten better since we started trying! Our marriage, my body, our physical relationship with each other, even money doesn't seem as tight. And our mood is up! We're working towards one goal- a Someday Baby. We're in it together- and it's fabulous.
So I bought tests for the next month. Because there's always hope :))
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Oh man. I feel wonderful today.
I'm pretty sure women who are TTC are the only ones who ever utter that phrase.
My temp came down.
My waistline came down.
I'm no longer bloated.
My period is due this week so...if that comes, that will close the first chapter in this book.
My temp came down.
My waistline came down.
I'm no longer bloated.
My period is due this week so...if that comes, that will close the first chapter in this book.
Monday, January 30, 2012
It was a dark and stormy night...
Thursday wasn't an especially good day for me. I was just feeling...off. You know the feeling. We went to Joyce and Rod Hershey's house for supper, and I was eating, and the whole time thinking---this isn't going to end well for me, is it? We played board games afterwards and I went to the extreme of unbuttoning my pants, pulling down my shirt, and kneeling on the floor in front of the table, just so my stomach would stretch out and I could get some relief! To no avail.
2:30 AM...puke.
2:45 AM...drive to Giant and get emetrol and a pregnancy test. My darling husband opens one eye and says, "You're going now?" It's raining pretty heavily, but it's fine.
(As an aside, I SWEAR the creepiest people work the overnight shift at Giant. That is all.)
3:00 AM...no sleep.
4:00 AM...no sleep.
4:25 AM...ZZZzzzz.....
4:30 AM...alarm goes off. Time for work. Time to test. I pee anxiously on the sticky thing and wait. Meanwhile my brain is RUSHING but I'm trying not to let it.
4:32 AM...not pregnant. Negative. It's fine! Really!
So I leave the test out for Andy to see and get myself to work. After about an hour, I'm driving back home again. And then I proceeded to sleep for the entire day.
My handsome husband is not ready to admit that this month was not a win (he's not used to losing, and now it seems that the conception process is more of a "tournament" than anything. May the best sperm win!) HE thinks I could still be pregnant because I'm peeing more than normal. Yes folks, he's counting how many times I spee. What a special man to care for me that much :) He's encouraging me to take another test.
In closing, I'm considering this pose for our preggers pics. Any thoughts?
2:30 AM...puke.
2:45 AM...drive to Giant and get emetrol and a pregnancy test. My darling husband opens one eye and says, "You're going now?" It's raining pretty heavily, but it's fine.
(As an aside, I SWEAR the creepiest people work the overnight shift at Giant. That is all.)
3:00 AM...no sleep.
4:00 AM...no sleep.
4:25 AM...ZZZzzzz.....
4:30 AM...alarm goes off. Time for work. Time to test. I pee anxiously on the sticky thing and wait. Meanwhile my brain is RUSHING but I'm trying not to let it.
4:32 AM...not pregnant. Negative. It's fine! Really!
So I leave the test out for Andy to see and get myself to work. After about an hour, I'm driving back home again. And then I proceeded to sleep for the entire day.
My handsome husband is not ready to admit that this month was not a win (he's not used to losing, and now it seems that the conception process is more of a "tournament" than anything. May the best sperm win!) HE thinks I could still be pregnant because I'm peeing more than normal. Yes folks, he's counting how many times I spee. What a special man to care for me that much :) He's encouraging me to take another test.
In closing, I'm considering this pose for our preggers pics. Any thoughts?
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