I want it ALL and I want it NOW.

Today, on this the 22nd week of pregnancy, I'm beginning to get a little unnerved that I do not have a nursery for my son.  The room is there.  The ideas are in my head.  A few things are bought and waiting expectantly in said room- a swing and play pen are sitting patiently in their boxes.  We have a crib and a mattress.  We have a lovely little (albeit uncomfortable) rocking chair.  The patterns are bought for the crib skirt and rocking chair cover, and the fabric is chosen with care.  My dad said I may have the little table and chair that were lovingly purchased for me when I was a baby.  So the bones are there- the foundation of the nursery is there.  But the nursery room itself is still a guest bedroom.

The crib and mattress and tiny table and chair are still at my parents house. 
The rocking chair is slowly being mounded with blankets and other things that just need put away.
The guest bed is still up.  (With a ton of stuff stored under it...where do I go with it?)

And before I can go much farther, we have two sets of guests coming within about a week of each other.  Everyone wants a piece of the pie before the baby comes.  So this girl has to wait until July to rip down the bed and then start the construction process.

Another clincher?  No organization project is as easy as it seems.  Where do I go with the clothing that now lives in the chest of drawers?  Where do I go with all the stuff that's stored under the bed in there?  Instruments and blankets and backpacking supplies.  Where does it all go??  There's a small closet in the area that goes up the stairs to the attic.  It now contains my wedding dress and winter coats.  Where do I put that stuff?

So it's going to be that SOMEWHERE needs to be cleaned and dunged out so that I can move all the other stuff that needs cleaned and dunged out around so everything has a place.  AND I WANT IT ALL DONE NOW!

Energy.  That would be the third and final kink in this chain.  How to do everything when you have no energy to do anything?

I simply cannot wait to meet our son.  I can't wait to see his face and breathe his skin, and dress him in all the little outfits I washed with care last night.  And perhaps that's why I'm so adamant that this all be perfect for him.  For the little being that won't comprehend his surroundings for many weeks.  Because my love is so deep and so wide for him. 

This is lengthy now.  But it's my blog so who cares?  Next week is my five month appointment and also the second of three ultrasounds.  Never Google 22 week fetus images, because you're not going to like what you see.  Here's what a normal baby looks like:


Except my baby boy is completely flipped and his feet are where his head should be.  Imagine a little catcher in my belly- knees up, hands beside his head.  Also, my placenta is a little farther up- think belly button area.  He kicks and kicks, but Andy still can't feel it.  Last night we tried again and they're just not strong enough yet.  But they're there. 

Enough for today.  HE makes everything beautiful in His time.  Including my nursery.

It's a son!

Friday morning was incredible.  Dad was cracking jokes, April and Andy were playing "Draw Something" with each other on their iPhones, mom was nervously hugging her pocketbook, commenting on Montgomery Gentry singing on the morning show broadcast on the TV on the wall.  (How DOES he stand those leather pants when it's so hot out?)  All these normalises made me feel so much at ease!

We get into the room, and I lay on the table, Andy by my side.  Did he look WAY more handsome than normal?  Probably.  The nice thing about that office is, they warm the goop they put on your stomach.  Sometimes it's the little things...  Okay, so the tech starts the procedure and then takes the wand away from my belly.  "Did you want to know the gender today?"  We all nod in agreement.  She put the wand back on, and there he is!  HE!  We scream, "IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  All five of us, just scream it!!! 

Turns out, SB is in a catcher's position in my belly.  He's facing front, feet down, knees up.  So his little thingy was out in the open for everyone to see and go on about at great lengths.  Which we did.  When I posted on FB that it was a boy, many people were like, "Oh, they could be wrong!"  I'm like...no, no they're not.  His face is in my placenta, which is at the top of my stomach/belly button area, so the 3D didn't work so well because of that.

The only thing they're a little concerned about is his spine.  Because of his position, they couldn't see it very well.  She listed it as subnormal spine..."no son of mine is subnormal!" I wanted to shout!  He's perfect and amazing and he's hung like a horse!  But instead I'm like, "What does that mean?"  She explained that nothing was the matter, they just needed a better look.  So in three weeks I go back.

And then she added that I needed to also come back in ten weeks because of my "elevated BMI".  AGAIN, I wanted to shout, "You fool!  I lost 45 lbs last year in hopes of conceiving this baby!  I am the picture of health!"  But instead I said, "Okay, 10 weeks is fine."  I mean hey, I get two more looks at our son.  Maybe he'll move and I will be able to get a 3D version of his face!

But one of the best things ever is hearing the Handsome Man tell his mom she's going to have a grandson.  Having my dad hug me so tight I couldn't breathe.  Watching my sister dance around in the hallway...because we only have one boy in the family.  Jackson is it- and now SBB (Someday Baby BOY).  So maybe they'll grow up to be best friends?  Maybe many things.

Feels like the first time...

This morning I'm as nervous as an American Idol finalist.  I've never watched American Idol...but I'm pretty sure this anxiety is close to what they might be feeling. 

Today we meet our baby for the first time in it's debut on the small screen.  I can tell it's going to be a natural, because it's a little ham in my belly!  Maybe they'll think SB is so cute that they use it on a Geisinger Health commercial.  Or, or maybe they'll use it in their upcoming brochures.  I don't know.  Anything is possible.

I'm so nervous.  Why???  Why Libbie?!?!?  You know everything is FINE in there!  The baby is SO healthy!  I can tell because it's active and it kicks and it loves vibrations and sounds!  Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard!  I was listening to Florence + Machine this morning in the car and it started out with these really low frequency bass notes, and the baby JUMPED!  I was like, Awww!!!!  Sorry Baby!  I normally play music to it during the day and on the way home, and it will always kick me when the song is over.  Andy was playing the piano, and I had my belly squished up against the box.  And as soon as he stopped, the baby kicked me like, "Not quiet done with that yet..."  I love that it has a personality already.

I guess today is also the end of one child in my heart.  Yeah, let me dive on into that one a little bit.  I can imagine us with a boy AND a girl.  We have both names picked out.  At any given time, I could see an image of us pushing our son on a swing, or carrying our little girl in the carrier.  Introducing both of them by name.  Hearing them cry for the first time.  And now we'll know which one of those images will happen right now.  SB will no longer be "Someday" it will have a name.  It's all so surreal.  We'll call the baby it's name in my belly, and then when we see it for the first time, we'll say it's name and it will know who it is.  And that it's loved.

So today, mom and dad and Andy and April are picking me up at work (yes, I did go to work today, for two hours) and then we're driving to Harrisburg for my 8:45 appointment.  Boy I'm glad it's not any later.  I might pee myself from anxiety.  I might pee myself anyway, because hey, I AM pregnant after all.

20 weeks...where has the time gone?

I think I'm forgetting something.  I think I'm forgetting to enjoy being pregnant.  I think I'm so tired and pulled in so many directions, I forget to just lay there with my hands on my belly and just enjoy the moment.  I forget to talk to him/her.  I forget that it hears my heartbeat.

Today is 20 weeks.  The ultrasound is on Friday.  I told Andy I'm more excited than Disney World!  He said he didn't think someone could GET more excited than Disney World- like, that's the top of the scale.

Confession!  I bought some pink Minnie Mouse sleep sacks for Lauren, and a little pair of Minnie Mouse black shoes...and I'm keeping them until we know if it's a boy or a girl.  Because they're so wicked cute, I can't be expected to not be in complete love with them.

Last week, Andy's shoulder's hurt.  So I rubbed him with Tylenol Precise cream.  And then Andy googled it, and evidently that's a no no for preggo people.  So he's freaking out because he's pretty sure he had single handedly destroyed our baby.  And I'm trying not to belittle his fears, but I'm not AS concerned as all this.  So I called the nurse, and she said it was fine, but probably not to do it again.  And if I needed to use it again, to wear gloves.  And then I got to imagining rubbing my Handsome Husband's manly back with latex gloves...and...ew and ouch.


I'm hoping to post a picture of myself sometime soon!

My Happy Hiking Husband

Andy was gone for a whole three days, out on the beaten path.  The dusty trail.  He left Friday morning and came back last night and limped into the house and up the stairs and he did his "duty" in the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and jumped into the shower....and we had no more hot water.  So he shivered his way into the shower, and then shivered his way out again.  Poor thing :(  But look how cute he is when he hikes!



That's mine, all the way on the right.  :)  He's devilishly handsome.  Also, I love a guy in a bandanna, apparently.

But while he was gone I made hay!  (That's a southern-ism).  I played a wedding and I worked on his Father's Day gift.  Which I will not mention here, in case SOMEHOW he finds his way onto this site.  Just like I'm not going to post the name here, because someone will see it.  And I did a bunch of church stuff...and now I need to circle the wagons and get going on my housework.

On Friday of this week, we will be able to call our baby by name (in private.  NOT TELLING!!!).  I wish people would stop telling me that we're "ruining" it by finding the gender.  I'm sorry?  We're ruining what?  The child?  The surprise?  The miracle of our child?  Because it's more important for me to be prepared than to be surprised.  And it's more important to me to spend my hard earned money on things that are the colors I want than the colors that "work."

My dad is taking a half day, and my mom and sister both have off, and Andy has off, and I'm working a few hours in the morning.  And then...show time.  It's going to be just beautiful.  What a moment never to forget.  In fact, I want to take a picture of us all together- waiting for the moment.  I want to all be surprised at once.  I want to share tears of joy with everyone.  I want to feel more love than I've ever known.  All with the little image and the little heartbeat, of a very special baby.  :)

Mother's Day #1

So it turns out you're allowed to celebrate Mother's Day even if the baby is in your stomach!  Apparently there are many "mother-to-be" Mother's Day cards, and I received a few!  Andy gave me the most precious one- it read about how amazed he was at me, and what a great mom I'm going to be.  And then handwritten- "I'm so excited to be a dad!"  My heart just melted at the thought and the sentiment behind it all.  He also gave me the Pandora baby carriage charm!  I loved it :)

Dad and I planted all day on Saturday, and he told me THAT was my Mother's Day gift.  But it was worth it because now the flowerbeds look amazing! 

Today is 19 weeks.  My family came over, had literally seen me about 4 hours earlier, and proclaimed, "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!"  I wasn't wearing maternity clothing, so I guess I WAS a little more bulbous than normal.  Plus I get exceedingly more pregnant at night.

I don't take anything for granted any more.  Not a kick, not a stretch, not one flake of skin from my poor belly.  It all matters and it's all important to me.  Last night at violin lessons, SB was having a fabulous time flitting and floating and kicking it's momma!  It LOVES music!  I guess the violins are at the right timbre that it cuts through the fluid!


When I showed this pic to Andy, I said, "No wonder it kicks me so much.  It's squished!"

Next Friday we know son or daughter...deep breaths.

Day late, but still holding on to my dollar!

The baby had it's first trip to the beach in utero last weekend!  I thought maybe getting away would help me to relax and sleep and spend some QT with the Handsome Husband.  I packed a bunch of cute clothing, including a little black dress I was looking forward to wearing.  But alas, it was too cold, and I wore almost none of it.  And what I did wear was covered up by jackets and sweatshirts.  BUT we still had a great time, and came home refreshed and rejuvenated...and not wanting to go to work.  Every time we're in Stone Harbor, we try to think of all the reasons we should go home, and except for the "seeing family" part, we never come up with anything convincing.  There's places to work at the beach, right?  I'm sure I can find another job where I'm degraded and chastised.  And there's got to be a Kohl's somewhere Andy could transfer to!

We've started to talk to SB.  I'm excited to tell him or her their real name, so they recognize it upon arrival.  I usually start out with, "Hi baby, this is mommy!"  And then impart all my earthly wisdom on the unsuspecting fetus.  No, not really.  I tell the baby I love it, and that I'm excited to meet it.  Recently Andy has jumped on this baby train and is now starting to chat with SB as well.  I told him he needed to introduce himself before speaking (that's my new rule, evidently) and so of course he starts making Darth Vader noises and says, "Babyyyy...I am your faaaather..."

But in all seriousness I think I recognized a moment, the first time he said, "This is your daddy talking, baby!  I love you."  (Look at me tearing up as a type...)  It just got SO real when those words hit the air.  This is your daddy talking.  And I love you.  I feel like maybe SB just stopped and went, "*sigh* My daddy loves me."

Last night we were at the Mutterspaugh's, and little Kaden was left alone in the living room, and he got lonely and cried, so Andy went in and picked him up, like it was old hat.  It was so crazy to see him in that capacity!  I was proud of him.  He and Brian were sitting on the love seat (like the bromance they really have) and the kids were on their laps and it was like...hey, this is life.  I think I like it...

Oh, and we won't have to mention how Kaden attacked my breasts...Amanda said, "Oh no Kado!  They don't work yet!"  :)  LOL!

Yesterday was week 18, officially, and the baby is moving and kicking and just being jolly in there.  We're continuing to work on bone growth, which will supposedly make the baby grow INCHES in the next few weeks.  I wonder if it will be just as active then?