Feels like the first time...

This morning I'm as nervous as an American Idol finalist.  I've never watched American Idol...but I'm pretty sure this anxiety is close to what they might be feeling. 

Today we meet our baby for the first time in it's debut on the small screen.  I can tell it's going to be a natural, because it's a little ham in my belly!  Maybe they'll think SB is so cute that they use it on a Geisinger Health commercial.  Or, or maybe they'll use it in their upcoming brochures.  I don't know.  Anything is possible.

I'm so nervous.  Why???  Why Libbie?!?!?  You know everything is FINE in there!  The baby is SO healthy!  I can tell because it's active and it kicks and it loves vibrations and sounds!  Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard!  I was listening to Florence + Machine this morning in the car and it started out with these really low frequency bass notes, and the baby JUMPED!  I was like, Awww!!!!  Sorry Baby!  I normally play music to it during the day and on the way home, and it will always kick me when the song is over.  Andy was playing the piano, and I had my belly squished up against the box.  And as soon as he stopped, the baby kicked me like, "Not quiet done with that yet..."  I love that it has a personality already.

I guess today is also the end of one child in my heart.  Yeah, let me dive on into that one a little bit.  I can imagine us with a boy AND a girl.  We have both names picked out.  At any given time, I could see an image of us pushing our son on a swing, or carrying our little girl in the carrier.  Introducing both of them by name.  Hearing them cry for the first time.  And now we'll know which one of those images will happen right now.  SB will no longer be "Someday" it will have a name.  It's all so surreal.  We'll call the baby it's name in my belly, and then when we see it for the first time, we'll say it's name and it will know who it is.  And that it's loved.

So today, mom and dad and Andy and April are picking me up at work (yes, I did go to work today, for two hours) and then we're driving to Harrisburg for my 8:45 appointment.  Boy I'm glad it's not any later.  I might pee myself from anxiety.  I might pee myself anyway, because hey, I AM pregnant after all.

20 weeks...where has the time gone?

I think I'm forgetting something.  I think I'm forgetting to enjoy being pregnant.  I think I'm so tired and pulled in so many directions, I forget to just lay there with my hands on my belly and just enjoy the moment.  I forget to talk to him/her.  I forget that it hears my heartbeat.

Today is 20 weeks.  The ultrasound is on Friday.  I told Andy I'm more excited than Disney World!  He said he didn't think someone could GET more excited than Disney World- like, that's the top of the scale.

Confession!  I bought some pink Minnie Mouse sleep sacks for Lauren, and a little pair of Minnie Mouse black shoes...and I'm keeping them until we know if it's a boy or a girl.  Because they're so wicked cute, I can't be expected to not be in complete love with them.

Last week, Andy's shoulder's hurt.  So I rubbed him with Tylenol Precise cream.  And then Andy googled it, and evidently that's a no no for preggo people.  So he's freaking out because he's pretty sure he had single handedly destroyed our baby.  And I'm trying not to belittle his fears, but I'm not AS concerned as all this.  So I called the nurse, and she said it was fine, but probably not to do it again.  And if I needed to use it again, to wear gloves.  And then I got to imagining rubbing my Handsome Husband's manly back with latex gloves...and...ew and ouch.


I'm hoping to post a picture of myself sometime soon!

My Happy Hiking Husband

Andy was gone for a whole three days, out on the beaten path.  The dusty trail.  He left Friday morning and came back last night and limped into the house and up the stairs and he did his "duty" in the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and jumped into the shower....and we had no more hot water.  So he shivered his way into the shower, and then shivered his way out again.  Poor thing :(  But look how cute he is when he hikes!



That's mine, all the way on the right.  :)  He's devilishly handsome.  Also, I love a guy in a bandanna, apparently.

But while he was gone I made hay!  (That's a southern-ism).  I played a wedding and I worked on his Father's Day gift.  Which I will not mention here, in case SOMEHOW he finds his way onto this site.  Just like I'm not going to post the name here, because someone will see it.  And I did a bunch of church stuff...and now I need to circle the wagons and get going on my housework.

On Friday of this week, we will be able to call our baby by name (in private.  NOT TELLING!!!).  I wish people would stop telling me that we're "ruining" it by finding the gender.  I'm sorry?  We're ruining what?  The child?  The surprise?  The miracle of our child?  Because it's more important for me to be prepared than to be surprised.  And it's more important to me to spend my hard earned money on things that are the colors I want than the colors that "work."

My dad is taking a half day, and my mom and sister both have off, and Andy has off, and I'm working a few hours in the morning.  And then...show time.  It's going to be just beautiful.  What a moment never to forget.  In fact, I want to take a picture of us all together- waiting for the moment.  I want to all be surprised at once.  I want to share tears of joy with everyone.  I want to feel more love than I've ever known.  All with the little image and the little heartbeat, of a very special baby.  :)

Mother's Day #1

So it turns out you're allowed to celebrate Mother's Day even if the baby is in your stomach!  Apparently there are many "mother-to-be" Mother's Day cards, and I received a few!  Andy gave me the most precious one- it read about how amazed he was at me, and what a great mom I'm going to be.  And then handwritten- "I'm so excited to be a dad!"  My heart just melted at the thought and the sentiment behind it all.  He also gave me the Pandora baby carriage charm!  I loved it :)

Dad and I planted all day on Saturday, and he told me THAT was my Mother's Day gift.  But it was worth it because now the flowerbeds look amazing! 

Today is 19 weeks.  My family came over, had literally seen me about 4 hours earlier, and proclaimed, "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!"  I wasn't wearing maternity clothing, so I guess I WAS a little more bulbous than normal.  Plus I get exceedingly more pregnant at night.

I don't take anything for granted any more.  Not a kick, not a stretch, not one flake of skin from my poor belly.  It all matters and it's all important to me.  Last night at violin lessons, SB was having a fabulous time flitting and floating and kicking it's momma!  It LOVES music!  I guess the violins are at the right timbre that it cuts through the fluid!


When I showed this pic to Andy, I said, "No wonder it kicks me so much.  It's squished!"

Next Friday we know son or daughter...deep breaths.

Day late, but still holding on to my dollar!

The baby had it's first trip to the beach in utero last weekend!  I thought maybe getting away would help me to relax and sleep and spend some QT with the Handsome Husband.  I packed a bunch of cute clothing, including a little black dress I was looking forward to wearing.  But alas, it was too cold, and I wore almost none of it.  And what I did wear was covered up by jackets and sweatshirts.  BUT we still had a great time, and came home refreshed and rejuvenated...and not wanting to go to work.  Every time we're in Stone Harbor, we try to think of all the reasons we should go home, and except for the "seeing family" part, we never come up with anything convincing.  There's places to work at the beach, right?  I'm sure I can find another job where I'm degraded and chastised.  And there's got to be a Kohl's somewhere Andy could transfer to!

We've started to talk to SB.  I'm excited to tell him or her their real name, so they recognize it upon arrival.  I usually start out with, "Hi baby, this is mommy!"  And then impart all my earthly wisdom on the unsuspecting fetus.  No, not really.  I tell the baby I love it, and that I'm excited to meet it.  Recently Andy has jumped on this baby train and is now starting to chat with SB as well.  I told him he needed to introduce himself before speaking (that's my new rule, evidently) and so of course he starts making Darth Vader noises and says, "Babyyyy...I am your faaaather..."

But in all seriousness I think I recognized a moment, the first time he said, "This is your daddy talking, baby!  I love you."  (Look at me tearing up as a type...)  It just got SO real when those words hit the air.  This is your daddy talking.  And I love you.  I feel like maybe SB just stopped and went, "*sigh* My daddy loves me."

Last night we were at the Mutterspaugh's, and little Kaden was left alone in the living room, and he got lonely and cried, so Andy went in and picked him up, like it was old hat.  It was so crazy to see him in that capacity!  I was proud of him.  He and Brian were sitting on the love seat (like the bromance they really have) and the kids were on their laps and it was like...hey, this is life.  I think I like it...

Oh, and we won't have to mention how Kaden attacked my breasts...Amanda said, "Oh no Kado!  They don't work yet!"  :)  LOL!

Yesterday was week 18, officially, and the baby is moving and kicking and just being jolly in there.  We're continuing to work on bone growth, which will supposedly make the baby grow INCHES in the next few weeks.  I wonder if it will be just as active then?

17 weeks...17 weeks...

Turning 17 weeks is a lot like turning 17 years old.  It's not like 16 where you get to drive, but it's not 18 where you're an "adult" (or in my case, starting my fifth month.)  But I'm thankful for every day- every week- every month.

My hormones have been just absolutely insane.  Yesterday I had a headache to beat the band.  I threw up a little, which lead me to believe it was in face a migraine.  And NOTHING suited me.  My Handsome, AMAZING, Husband made me supper, of which I ate half and then promptly brought it up again.  I forced myself to iron, and then laid back down again.  Just blinking back tears all day...

I need to sleep.  I really need to sleep through the night.  I bought new makeup and the lady suggested I purchase under-eye concealer.  Nice.

Today I'm a crying fool.  I'm thankful I work pretty much by myself because I can go through my breakdown stages quietly and behind closed doors, mostly.  What sets me off?  Um, nothing short of everything.  My husband talking to the baby.  My husband mentioning being a daddy.  The thought of losing my husband (in some violent way my brain concocts for no reason whatsoever).  Commercials.  TV shows.  News reports.  Taking showers...nobody can hear to cry in the shower!  It's like my safe haven...  and mind you, I'm not SAD.  I'm just...hormonal.

So at 17 weeks, I have a really active SB!  I feel it mostly every day around the same time, and then again at night (if I'm awake).  It flutters and pops me every now and again.  It normally moves on the right side, but I felt it on the left last night briefly.  Maybe a foot?  Who knows!

Also the countdown begins today, on the first day of May, for May 25th---when we'll find out if "it's" a son or a daughter.  OUR son or daughter :)

16 weeks? What happened to 15??

Look at that?!  Here we are at 16 weeks!  I'm feeling stronger, and I'm feeling more energy...maybe.  I don't know.  Compared to what?  How can you NOT feel more energy when you're eating finally and not throwing up as a hobby?

Last night I was on my feet ironing for two hours and I was really crampy in the legs, but I went to bed, and then I was fine.  Going to bed really does solve most things in pregnancy, I am learning.

My belly is pushing on out!  Depending on what I wear, it looks bigger or smaller than it actually is.  Sometimes I wonder what people at the gym think!  Because I'm lifting and I'm walking and climbing.  I know on the trail when we're hiking, people look at me like...???  I should have a shirt- "Not Fat.  Just Pregnant."  Kickboxing on Thursday night should be fun.  We'll see how long I go before I fall over :)

The other night we heard an organ concert at Hershey Theatre...I'm pretty sure the baby could feel it.  Also, I've been playing my guitar, which sits right over the baby.  So it's going to be a musician...but what else could it be?

Oh, and today Lauren found out she's having a girl :)  How lovely :)